RELATING TO ADOLESCENTS: The most important information in this book is

CHAPTER 1

PHENOMENON OF ADOLESCENCE

Teenagers affect all people around them. Some adults don’t like to work with teenagers because their attitude and thinking. Adults should understand the phenomenon of adolescence to know what they can do to help and guide them. Some researchers give us the difference between teenagers and adults. It´s located in the front part on the brain or frontal lobes. This part helps us reason, control ourselves, formulate sound judgments, and make good decisions. We can say that the frontal part is mature o adults because their experiences.

An investigation proved that teenagers are always looking for acceptation from others. But at the end this is their task: to discover who they are and who they want to be. The adults´ job is to understand what they going through and to help them make sense of their journey.

CHAPTER 2

ADULTS IN THE HOT ZONE: WORKING IN THE TEENAGE WORLD

Teenagers go to school to learn but notice that they spend lots of time there. School is where teenagers socialize with friends, fall in love, get their hearts broken, and discover who they are connecting to the world. For adults, school is work, not life, or at least that´s supposed to be.

Adults who work in the teenage world exist in the hot zone of the phenomenon of adolescence and invariably it affects them. Adults can understand themselves using their relationships with teens, which it turns helps them be more affective in their work in the teenage world.

CHAPTER 3

THE SEVEN GROWN-UP SKILLS

To deal effectible with teenagers adults most practice seven grown-up skills.

The seven grown-up skills are:

1. Self-awareness

2. Self-control/ self-mastery

3. Good judgment

4. The ability to deal with conflict

5. Self-transcendence or the ability to get over yourself

6. The ability to maintain boundaries

7. The capacity for life-long learning

Those skills can be learned by all adults in order to deal with the feverish and infectious aspects of adolescence.

CHAPTER 4

THE FIVE THINGS TEENAGERS NEED FROM GROWN-UP

There are five things that teenagers need from adults.

They need adults to:

1. Distinguish between their needs and wants. This is Needs vs. Wants

2. Respond to them but not react with them. This is Responding vs. Reacting.

3. Relate to them but not identify with them. This is Relating vs. Identify.

4. Be friendly with them but not be their friends. This is friendly vs. Friends.

5. Focus on their needs and not on our own. This is Other vs. Self.

Need 1: Needs and Wants

Teenagers must understand the difference between needs and wants it will help them to prioritize things in their lives.

There are three questions we can ask ourselves that will help us clarify the issue when we´re confused about teenage needs and wants. They are:

1. Does the issue t hand support learning?

2. Is it safe?

3. Is it developmentally appropriate?

Need 2: Responding and Reacting

In this need we focus on self-control and self-mastery. Or our purposes, responding is our ability to approach situations in a reasoned manner, without reacting with a knee jerk.

Need 3: Relating vs. Identifying

When we relate to teenagers, we practice the grown-up skills of self-awareness, self-control, good judgment, and good boundaries. When we identify with teenagers, we blur the boundaries between our own experience and theirs, and our grown-up skills get left by the wayside.

Need 4: Being Friendly vs. Being Friends

The relationships between us and teenagers can never be equal. The adults must establish respect with teenagers. It doesn´t mean that adults can´t be friendly with them. The only relationship that can exist between adults and teenagers in school is student-teacher relationship.

Need 5: Serving the Others vs. Serving the Self

Teenagers need adults to model self-care. All of us have days when we prioritize our own needs, when this happens, it´s a sign we should rethink what we´re doing.

Teenagers need us to respond o the with dispassion; to separate our own experiences from others; to relate to them I a friendly way without confusing this with being their friend; and to take care of ourselves so that our work can ultimately be in the service of others.

CHAPTER 5

DO´S AND DON´TS FOR ADULTS IN THE TEENAGE WORLD

There are so many things that adults should know in order to establish a good relationship with teenagers. In this chapter the author gives us a list about do´s and don´ts.

Here are the lists of do´s and don´ts:

1. Don’t do anything you wouldn´t want your principal to know about.

2. Don´t touch or have sex with students, and don’t with students about sex.

3. Don’t talk about your personal business with students.

4. Don’t communicate with students via personal email or phone, text or instant message, Facebook, or your home.

5. Don’t lend or borrow personal things from students.

6. Don’t spend time with students after hours.

7. Don’t consume or discuss alcohol or drugs in the proximity of students.

8. Don’t talk with students about colleagues.

9. Don’t go beyond the scope of your role.

1. Do understand and follow school policies, procedures and best practices.

2. Do seek assistance when you get overwhelmed in your relationships with teenagers.

3. Do establish ties with colleagues.

4. Do support the grown-up tem within the school community.

5. Do get a life.

CHAPTER 6

FIVE GUIDELINES FOR ADMINISTRATORS: THE A-TEAM

The five guidelines that support administrators on their role as supervisors of adults in the teenage world are assistance, transparency, education assessment, and management. Together they form the A-TEAM.

1. Assistance: this first guideline means giving help and getting help whenever possible.

2. Transparency: administrators for transparency in most aspects of their work as it relating to dealing with teenagers. The more transparency the better.

3. Education: Teachers need to be educated about the teenage world adolescent psychology and development, and experimentations for grown-up behavior, among others topics.

4. Assessment: administrators must be able to assess adult behavior and evaluate how adults function in relation to adolescents in the teenage world.

5. Management: Administrators are responsible for managing the school community as a whole and for setting the tone of school culture.

CHAPTER 7

THE EIGHTFOLD PATH OF ADULTS SELF-CARE

The most important in this chapter is to know the eightfold path of adult self-care.

When we follow the practices on the eightfold, we contribute to our own well-doing and promote the health of everyone within purr school community.

The practices on the eightfold path of adult self-care are:

1. Right view

2. Right intention

3. Right speech

4. Right Action

5. Right livelihood

6. Right effort

7. Right mindfulness

8. Right concentration

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THE KEY CONCEPTS WE NEED TO UNDERSTAND IN THIS BOOK.

THE KEY CONCEPTS WE NEED TO UNDERSTAND IN THIS BOOK

There are some important concepts and ideas that are really helpful for understanding the book “Relating to Adolescent” by Susan Eva Porter. Here is a list of them ordered by chapters.

CHAPTER I

THE PHENOMENON OF ADOLESCENCE

·         The teenage world: The author use the term for referring to middle, high school or those schools that teach any subset of grades 5 – 12. The reason why the author thinks of these schools as the teenage world is because teenagers spend most of their day at schools, so there is where they manifest many of the troubles they face during adolescence.

·         .The dynamic between teachers and teens: The dynamic it is understood as the relationship between teacher and teenagers that takes place in the teenage world. It also can be understood as the interchange of ideas, emotions and thoughts in the day to day in the teenage world.

·         Teenagers and adolescents: Both terms refer to student from ten to eighteen years of age, but specifically they refer to the students that have entered puberty and on the process of adolescence, consequently.

·         The brain-changing process during adolescence: The brain-changing process is a broad term used for describing all the changes that take place in teenagers during adolescence. The teenagers´ brain is still under construction. During adolescence the brain has started developing the skills for thinking as a mature adult, but during the process the way of thinking differs from a child and an adult.

·         Executive functioning: It is understood as the processes that help us reason, control our impulses, formulate sounds judgments, and make good decisions. Because the executive functioning is controlling by the front part of the brain which is the part that suffers a lot of changes during adolescence, teenagers cannot be required to reason as adults can, control they impulses as adults can, formulate sound judgments as adults can, and make good decisions as adults can.

·         Puberty: The author use the term to describe the physical changes that take place during adolescence.

CHAPTER II

ADULTS IN THE HOT ZONE: WORKING IN THE TEENAGE WORLD

·         Hot zones: The author use this term referring to the schools which is the place where teenagers spent almost all their days, and for consequence their spread their characteristic behavior all over the place affecting adults (teachers). That is why the author states in her book that teachers who work with adolescences are constantly in the “hot zone”.

·         Parallel curriculum (for adolescents): The parallel curriculum is the term that the author used to call all those skills that teenagers develop during their adolescence that are part of growing up, but also teenagers develop them in order to discover their personality and become adults. These skills are different from the ones that teenagers have to learn at school. But the first skills, the ones for developing personality and the skills learn at school are develop simultaneously; that is why they are parallel.

The skills for developing teenagers’ personality are referring to growing up, discovering their own voice, making sense of the world, managing frustration, and accepting themselves as they truly are.

·         Parallel curriculum (for adults): The parallel curriculum for adults is formed by a set of skills that they to develop when working with adolescence. The authors states in her book that adults working with teens need to master a set of different skills and not only their subject area.

·         Immunity: In the context of the book, this term is referring to the fact that every adult in the teenage world can be affected by teenagers´ behavior. That is the reason why the author exposes that no adult, by means, no teacher is immune to the teenagers´ mood.  

·         Working with teenagers is being affected by the moods, energy, and general chaos of the adolescent world: By this idea the author is explaining the fact that adults in the teenage world are always exposed to the teenage behavior, and that adults at some point can adopt teenage

·         Infection by adolescence: Because adults who work at schools are immerse in the teenage world, they are at risk to behave, develop activities or perform their cognitive functions the same way as teenagers do. This means teenagers´ moods, attitudes, and energy are constantly affecting and putting adults under pressure.

·         Adolescence behaved sort of like a virus. The feverish intensity and contagious nature of the adolescent drama infects teachers.

·         School-wide infection: The author uses the term school-wide infection referring to the problems and feeling of chaos of the school communities that are the result when adults in the teenage world behave as adolescent. The authors states that when teen’s standards and no adulthood predominate within the school culture, the school is under a teen infection. Gossip among teachers, teacher popularity contest, difficulties between faculty and administration, and unclear expectations for adult behavior are possible symptoms of a school-wide infection. In this point it is important that all adults involve in the teenager world acknowledge this type of infection. Being constantly assessing the adult´s behavior of adults in the teenage world is something that adults can do in order to avoid this infection.

CHAPTER III

THE SEVEN GROWN-UP SKILLS

·         Growing up: For the purpose of this book, this term refers as the process of acquiring skills. At the same the term refers to the state of being in which adults perform specific skills, behaviors, and attitudes.

·         Grown-up skills: They are abilities that adults working in the teenage world need to develop in order to deal effectively with the phenomenon of adolescence and also to have healthy relationships with our students. These skills are all related, and they constitute a process that never ends.

1.    Self-awareness: It is define as the objective reflection of ourselves. Adults who work in the teenage world need to develop this skill in order to being aware of their behavior, and to accept their mistakes, feedback and criticism. It is important that adults understand who they are, why they do what they do, and what really matters to them. As teenagers lack this ability, adults who master this skill can help teenagers in this aspect.

2.    Self-control/self-mastery: This skill is about controlling our impulses. When adults practice self-control/self-mastery skill they are able to control their thoughts, feelings and desires. This helps teachers to respond and not to react to teenagers’ behavior. Adults are able to direct their energy and attention with purpose through the practice of this skill.

3.    Good judgment: The authors states that this skill is critical part of the responsibility of an adult in the teenage world. It is about good decision-making. The importance of this skill is highlight by the author as teens often need adults who protect them from themselves, as they are not good at decision-making.

4.    The ability to deal with conflict: The ability of dealing with conflict is essential in the teenage world. It is about managing conflict and knowing how to confront issues productively. Sometimes adults want to avoid conflict, but actually conflict can help people in problem solving. Adults need to develop this skill in order to deal with teenager´s conflict. Adults also need to be able to tolerate teenager´s discomfort and chaos, as these are common emotions in teenagers.

5.    Self-transcendence: The author states self-transcendence as the ability to get over ourselves. Adults working in the teenage world have to transcend themselves in other to help others, so they have to put the needs of their students first. In order to put this skill into practice they have to be aware of the importance of cooperation and collaboration, so they see themselves as part of something. Adults also have to acknowledge that they cannot take everything personally. This skill allows viewing things objectively which is really important when working with teenagers as they are self-focused adults, emerge in their world, tend to behave self-focused sometimes.

6.    The ability to maintain boundaries: This skill is about staying in the role as adults. Adults are in charge, and they always have to keep this in mind in order to establish boundaries with teenagers. For practicing these skills adults need to have clear ideas about what the scholar community expects from them when it comes to the relationship with students inside and outside the classroom. If adults practice this skill, they will maintain healthy relationships with their students.

7.    The capacity for Life-Long Learning: This means learning throughout life. The author states that this skill is learning about one´s self which involves understanding one´s personal psychology, and one´s capacity to explore relationships and pay attention to the information about one´s self that comes from the relationships with teens. This skill requires adult to be flexible, humble and willing to accept change.  

·         Grown-older: This term is used by the author for referring to adults who do not perform the grown-up skills.

·         Self-absorption: The author uses this term for describing that self-focused behavior of teens. Teens are always focusing on themselves, and they want others to focus on them. Adults need to have this clear concept in mind in order to avoid performing the same behavior.

·         School community: The author uses this term in her book for describing all the people who work at schools: students, teachers, administration staff, the A team among others.

CHAPTER IV

THE FIVE THINGS TEENAGERS NEED FROM GROWN-UPS

·         Teenager´s needs: Teenagers need us to differentiate between their needs and their wants; to respond but not to react to them; to relate but not to identify with them; to be friendly with them but not be their friends; and to work in service of them, not for ourselves.

1.    Needs vs Wants: Teenagers need that adults understand the difference between their needs and wants. Adults need to focus their energy in fulfilling their need, but also to take into account what teenagers want.

2.    Responding vs Reacting: Teenagers need adults to respond instead of react. When adults react, they act the same manner as teenagers do. When adults respond, they take a moment to evaluate their responses to teenager’s conflict. Responding involves a previous and objective analysis and assessment of a conflict situation.

3.    Relating vs Identifying: By this the author means that adults´ role consist of relating with teens´ issues not identifying with them. When relating with adolescences, adults connect with them, but adults do not involve their own experiences, emotions or feelings in the process. When adults identify with teenagers, they involve their own experiences with them, and lose their objective in the process.

4.    Friendly vs Friends: Adults need to be friendly but not to be teenager´s friend. An adult always have to remember that they are in charge, that they are the ones with authority, and that there is no possibility to be a student’s friends because of the imbalance power.

5.    Serving the Others vs Serving the Self: Adults need to stay focus on their role within the teenage world. By serving others the author means that they have to work for their students need and not for them needs.

·         Need: A need is something essential, something teenager’s can´t live without, and it has a direct bearing on student success in the teenage world. A need is a sine qua non of the teenage experience at school. Most teenagers have the same basic needs.

·         Want: A want or a desire is something nonessential, something teenagers can live without. A want does not have bearing on teenage success in school, although it might feel like it does to the teenager in question. Teenagers have myriad desires.

·         “The tree-second delay”: The term refers to tree different steps which are pause, step back, and consider the right response to the situation. By implementing the tree-second delay adults can respond appropriately to teenagers´ behavior, moods, and attitudes. In this way adults avoid getting infected by the teenage infection which means behaving like teenagers.

·         Sympathy: The author defines sympathy as the inclination to think or feel alike, but she clarifies that sympathy does not involve a response for the thing that is making someone feel sympathy. It is just a feeling that people link with their own experiences, and that at the end it is self-focus. It is not about what the other person feels, but what one has experienced. The author explains this term because adults who work in the teenage world do not have to feel sympathy for their students but empathy. Sympathy can be understood as a selfish feeling. When adults feel sympathy, they do not do a good job, as they are not focus in what the teenagers feel, but in what they experience towards teenager´s feeling.

·         Empathy: It is the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another. It involves a response and action, so it cannot be considered as a selfish feeling. By feeling empathy, the adults in the teenage world can respond appropriately to the teenager´s feeling and needs. Empathy is a feeling that adults, especially the ones who work in the teenage world, should cultivate.

·         Being friendly: The term “being friendly” is explained by the author as the attitude of someone who is practicing empathy. It is not about trying to become a friend to someone but showing empathy. This is the attitude that an adult working in the teenage world has to adopt.

·         Being friends: The term is explained by the author as the attitude of someone who is trying to make friends. By this the author explains that adults who work at the teenage world do not have to become friends of teenagers because adults will not perform appropriately. The author also explains that, as the adult working in the teenage world have a higher level or authority and this means power, they cannot have students as friends because students are at a lower scale of authority and/or power.

·         Having favorites: By this term the authors explains that teachers can have favorites, and that is fine even though it is not recommendable to admit that to our students. As all students are different, teachers react to them differently.

·         Playing favorites –being favored us- -being a favorite-: By this term the author means that sometimes teachers are competing among other teachers for popularity within students.

·         Grown-up paradox “in order to put others first we must take care of ourselves: By this phrase the author means that adult, who with teens, cannot take care of teenagers if they are not taking care of themselves first. The author explains that if adults do not take care of them, they will not perform well at school.

·         Joining (It implies behaving with teenagers in a friendly, grown-up manner): By this term the author means that when relating with adolescences adult need to be friendly but  not to try to be their friends as adults always to keep in mind the boundaries between them and students.

·         Joining in (implies behaving with teens in an identified, friend-like, grown-older way): By this term the author explains the behavior of adults, who do not practice the seven grown-ups skills, trying to be friends with their students. When adults behave in this manner, they forget about the boundaries that they must maintain when working with teens.

6.    Witness stand mood: By this term the authors means that adults have to be constantly evaluating their behavior. They have to examine what they do and more important why they do.

7.    Self-disclosure: Making a teacher´s life public. When the author refers to self-disclosure, she explains that adults do not have to tell students about their lives in order to feel connecting with them. Adults must avoid telling students personal information.

8.    Self-revealing: It is about letting students know that teacher care about them, and that they support their efforts to learn without informing students about teachers ‘personal life. Self-revealing is about showing the students a teacher´s kindness, integrity, quirkiness, and sense of humor without exposing details his or her personal life.

CHAPTER V

DO AND DON’T´S FOR ADULT IN THE TEENAGE WORLD

9.    Don´ts: The don’ts list is a compilation of situations that teachers must avoid.

10. Do´s: The do´s list is a compilation of things that teachers must do.

CHAPTER VI

FIVE GUIDELINES TO ADMINISTRATORS

11. The A-team: It is the term using for describing a set of five guidelines, which are assistance, transparency, education, assessment and management, for administrator at schools. The author explains that the acronym suggests that the administrative work at schools is about teamwork.

12. Assistance: It is one of the A-team guidelines, and by this the author means that adults working in the teenage world should give help and receive help whenever possible. Leading a school is very difficult, so it should not been done isolated. Administrators need support from other adults within the school community.

13. Polarization or splitting: It is when teens externalize they conduct and it affects teachers in the school community.

14. Transparency: It is the second A-team guideline, and it is about explaining to the community why or how decisions are made and about helping the community deals with the consequences of those decisions.

15. Education: It is the third A-team guideline. It explains that teachers need to be educated about the teenage world, adolescent psychology and development, and expectations for grown-up behavior, among other topics.

16. Assessment: This is the fourth guideline which is used by the author to explain that administrators must be able to assess about behavior and evaluate how the adults in the teenage world function in the relationship with student. An adult working in the teenage world will always make mistake; however an adult behavior must not cross the line between the acceptable and unacceptable. Administrators have to communicate with the community, and clearly define acceptable behavior.

17. Charisma: It can be understood as a dynamic process that occurs between magnetic adults and teenagers within the school community.

18. Student-focused adults: The term is use for describing adults who are “workaholic”. These adults base their life and activities around students and their work at schools.

19. Management: The last A-team guideline is referred to good management. The author explains in this guideline that administrators are responsible for managing the school community as a whole and for setting the tone of school culture. Administrative management is critical for keeping a healthy school and for the healthy development and maintenance. Management is really important as it prevents getting an “infection caused by teenagers´ behavior”.

20. Culture of personality (When adult popularity becomes important): By this concept the authors explains how inappropriate is when adults working in the teenage world care about their popularity within students. When an adult care about his or her personality, he or she mimics teenager´s behavior. In the culture of personality adults are worshipped and idolized, but they are not respect.

21. Gossip creep: It is the predictable increase in gossip that occurs when boundaries around language and sharing information are relaxed or ignored over time.

22. Culture of capitulation: it exits in the teenage world when discipline is lax or inconsistent and adults don’t hold their ground with students. Where teenagers run the show: rules, limits, boundaries and even grades are negotiating. When wants are over needs

CHAPTER VII

THE EIGHTFOLD PATH OF ADULT SELF-CARE

·         The Eightfold path of Adult Self-care: It is a set of steps that the author suggests to adults to follow in order to take care of themselves as self care must be a priority for adults who work with adolescence.

1.    Right view: See things as they are. It is defined by the author by the continuant practice of examining how our past influences our present, recognizing our vulnerabilities in our work and understanding what it is we really want from work.

2.    Acknowledge the power of self-awareness: By this the author means that adult should acknowledge the phenomenon of adolescence. This phenomenon is real, and it is infectious as no adult is immune from getting it.

3.    Right intention: (right thought) it is the practice of attending to our thoughts and moods throughout the day. It helps us to be purposeful and not reactive in our thinking. This is very useful when working with teenagers as they need us to respond and not to act.

4.    Right speech: this practice addresses how we speak in the teenage world, a place where speech can be vicious, and encourages us to be mindful of what we say and how we say it.

5.    Right action: It is defined as the practice of behaviors that keep us physically and emotionally healthy. Actions such as good feed sleep and exercise.

·         Relaxation response: it is the physiological antithesis of the fight-or-flight or stress response kicks in, stress is relieved. It is important to know how to activate this physiological stress-buster to perform well at school.

6.    Right livelihood: It is about living proud about what adults in the teenage world do. Although it is not recognize, teaching is a noble profession that is why adult must remember that what they do worth.

7.    Right effort: The right effort is about finding a balance. Adults who work with teens have to balance their work and personal life in order to avoid becoming in a “workaholistic” which is not healthy at all.

8.    Right mindfulness and right concentration: These are about keeping our mind healthy which means positive thinking. Adults who work with teenagers need to think positively about their work in order to promote their well-being and resilience because in the teenager world they are surrounding by negativism.

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